It’s my dad’s birthday today. He passed away when I was 15 and although I visited him from time to time, I barely knew him. From what I could tell, he seemed to love me. The fact that’s even a statement seems odd. What’s more ironic is the fact that my youngest son looks just like him. He is my constant reminder of him. Perhaps the love and affection he provides somehow transcends what once seemed lost. Go figure my son’s name is Phoenix. Happy Birthday Dad.
This post was written almost one year ago and simply sat in my drafts. I’m not sure if it was because I wasn’t ready to discuss it just yet or if it was because of how exposed it made me feel. Flash forward one year from when it was written and three years after the surrogacy and now I’m finally ready, I think.
I actually contemplated such a personal post. My sister said that it may be positive to share my experience and vent. So here goes.
It’s been almost two years since I was a surrogate for a couple that I had met through a law office that specialized in this service for couples and surrogates. I was referred by a friend who had already signed up with this law office and decided to give it a try. The screening process was somewhat lengthy and involved many blood tests, psychological tests, interviews and questions galore. After the screening was completed and I was officially deemed not crazy (true story), we continued onto the next steps. After a few months and once test results came back normal I was matched with a couple. Everything seemed too good to be true when it came to how normal and loving they seemed. The couple had been unsuccessful due to their own personal issues and I felt more than willing to provide them with a baby of their own. They seemed so genuine and we simply clicked as if we had known each other for years.
Shortly after contracts were signed, medications began and two months later the embryo transfer took place. All seemed to be successful, so we thought. I was what you called a gestational surrogate, where the sperm and embryo from the parents was transferred. A few ultrasounds later and almost halfway through the pregnancy, some complications arose. Not only was there a problem with the umbilical artery in which there was only one versus two present, but genetic tests revealed an missing chromosome which would result in a rare genetic condition. Close to the halfway point and already feeling the baby moving, the couple was faced with a serious decision. Needless to say, the pregnancy was terminated and the act itself left me changed forever. When I signed the contract, I understood the possibility of it coming to this, however I never truly envisioned that it would become a reality. Previously I loved hearing the happy stories of surrogates and even know a few that had a wonderful experience. I was even willing to try a second time with the surroparents, however, I was informed by the law office handling the case that they would not be moving forward with me because it was too difficult of a reminder of what happened. This experience left me discouraged and especially disappointed. That too-good-to-be-true relationship turned cold and seemed more like a transaction gone awry versus the loss of a life. Tears were shed on both sides, but it left me feeling empty and tossed aside after no longer being needed.
Long story short, it was a life lesson. In trying to give someone the gift of life I was then faced with having to end one, I believe that a part of myself died that day.
What became of the surrogates? They were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. I have been fortunate to be able to move on from this life changing event and it opened my eyes to more than I had expected. Not everyone has the same values in life and now I realize my naivety in thinking that. Sometimes things are not meant to be and this was one of them.
My fun loving, super active, always shedding and full of personality pup has been the apple of our eyes since he joined our family last September. Since he brings so much joy to our lives, we figured, why not share him with the world? His priceless expressions have brought endless smiles to us and we can only hope that he does the same for others. Recently, we were honored to make this list of so many Instafamous pups and were ecstatic to be included.
If you are interested in following him on Instagram his name is iheartmiles
A special thank you to BarkBox for including our little guy.
For those of you who have no idea what BarkBox is (almost half of the people I’ve asked have no clue), it is a monthly pet subscription which awesome toys and snacks. I often frequent the pet store or online stores in order to purchase these types of things, so to be able to have organic treats delivered straight to your door, nothing short of awesomeness and convenience. They offer different subscriptions, so there is one bound to suit any budget. They also select shelters/rescue organizations each month to donate to with each subscription. How amazing is that?!
As per their website – “We aim to surprise and delight with our monthly BarkBoxes that contain all-natural treats and other the coolest pup products in each box — things you can’t find at the typical big-box pet store. We have our treat and toy scouts scouring the country every month for the best toys and treats that will make your dog happy and healthy.”
Interested in 10% your order on BarkBox? Simply use IHEARTMILES to sign up for your barkbox today at http://ruv.me/iheartmiles
So I get a phone call this morning that both of my kids are in the nurse’s office, one with a bump and one with a gash. The school recommends for me to come take a look at the gash and after checking it out I take my five year old to the doctor. At 930 am it was a cut but appeared to need to be pushed together and could probably use some glue. The school office said that it seemed like she could return right after and it should be a quick fix.
When I got to the doctor’s office they told me the soonest appointment would be at 12 ish. They then said I could wait for the doctor to check it out. I asked if they could just take a peek to let me know of it required stitches or could be glued back together. Flash forward almost an hour later and the doctor takes a look and tells us we need stitches and have to go to the hospital. After waiting for one hour plus the gash expanded and now it past the point of being glued as we had hoped.
While I understand that doctors are busy and that people have appointments, I guess I had expected for someone to assess an injury sooner than an hour plus. Livid and upset after spending all that time in the waiting room for one of the best doctors in San Luis Obispo, I am then sent to the hospital.
So what the bottom line here?
#1 – If your child gets a gash in their chin, break out your first aid kit to put a bandage of some sort on it to keep the wound together. Check out this link for more info. Do not depend on the regular physician to take care of it because there may be a chance it will get worse while waiting.
#2 – Go straight to the urgent care of your local hospital because you may spend double the time waiting. Doctor’s office do not always care if there is blood flowing (unfortunately) and will stick to their schedules. Save yourself the frustration and go to urgent care (especially if your insurance plan covers it).
When I picked her up I thought no big deal, some skin glue should take care if it and now it turned into needing stitches. I’m sorry that I wasn’t that parent that demanded more attention and I guess this will be another lesson learned.
Since none of my other children have any food allergies, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around how this happened. As I was talking to the doctor’s office all I could think about was my delicious wheat bread floating away into the ocean and waving farewell. My dramatic self is going to have to do some adjusting, but it seems so late in the game to find out now that wheat will have to be absent (for now) from his life. End rant.