Stop Worrying About People Who Don’t Worry About You & Learning How to Let Go

Honestly the title says it all. It was almost a struggle to choose it because that would mean having to be transparent in my circumstances and current situation. Too often people want to sweep life events underneath a rug rather than face them. To say it’s been a whirlwind of emotions would be a huge understatement with what has transpired in the last few months. It’s been really bad but through the really bad comes the promise of things that can be really good. Really good for my soul, my healing, my heart and overall my life. It definitely wouldn’t be what I’d call rock bottom, but it has been an emotional struggle with willpower and the ability to push forward when the idea of comfort looks way more inviting than growth.

So yes, I am speaking super vaguely because isn’t that how most problems can be described? I mean, we all go through many challenges and what I’ve come to realize is that the power ultimately lies in YOU. Now don’t think that I’ve achieved this ultimate level of clarity because I am far from being there. After trials and tribulations, after taking two steps forward and five back, and after falling flat on my face only to then have someone walk right over me did I realize that those missteps are sometimes exactly what you need to realize that you are sometimes right where you need to be to pick yourself back up. As the saying goes, if you’re down, the positive outlook is that the only way to go is up right? Well, I don’t believe that saying so much because you can also go in circles when you’re down and not know how to climb out of the sometimes self-inflicted rut that you’ve dug yourself into. The goal is to NOT stay down but that’s easier said than done. I will share a few things that have helped me thus far and I am not a sage in these matters but I do know that there may be someone out there who could use some guidance. In all honesty, I may not ever even know if this helped anyone, but that doesn’t matter because it’s often about giving value to someone who you may never even know and who will never thank you for what you’ve done. That person that may thank you may just be your future self. So perhaps these are the start of my reminders to myself or maybe just a great journal entry. Either way, here goes.

How I Began My Journey to Discover Myself Again & How I Learned to Let Go

  1. Read the RIGHT books (yes it can be audios as well). It’s not enough to just read personal development. There are underlying issues that need to be addressed and you need HELP. Stop thinking you’re going to do it on your own. You won’t because if that were the case you wouldn’t be in the position, situation, relationship, non-relationship, situationship or whatever you want to call it. If you don’t know which books to read, ask someone who has LIFE experience or the life you desire.
  2. Do not seek advice from those who do not have the life you want to have. This is so crucial because it’s like asking my 10 year old for financial advice that he cannot give. Do not ask advice from people who have not yet journeyed down the path that you’re on. It is impossible for them to give you sound advice. IMPOSSIBLE. So as much as you like someone or have a bond or friendship, they unfortunately may not be best suited to give you something they have no experience in. Also, some people enjoy the fact that you’re miserable. It’s true. Don’t get lost with the blind leading the blind.
  3. Remember How Bad Ass You Are. This is HUGE. After my non-relationship or whatever it was or wasn’t, I realized how much of myself I had lost. Negative relationships or even friendships can sometimes make you believe or forget who you are. Negative reinforcement on a daily basis or someone constantly putting you down can become an affirmation to who you think you are. You begin to question and doubt yourself and ultimately become the version that that person has manifested in your mind. If someone is speaking defeat to you daily, run. Run as fast as your can because they are projecting their insecurities onto you and you need to protect your spirit and energy from that darkness. I am being so serious. The only affirmations should be VICTORY because true friends or true associations who care, would not do that.
  4. Self-Care is the Best Care. Man I hated when people said this. Not only did it annoy me but I cringed, made a face and thought shut up, but it is absolutely a key component in rediscovering who you are. Now some people think of self-care as spa days or relaxation or some serene something or other. In all honesty, self-care is dependent upon the person. Self-care to me could be a day of journaling or writing poems because that is my form of therapy. Self-care to another person could be being outdoors or taking a hike. The bottom line is doing what makes YOU happy and feels good. Write a list. Do them. Whether you choose one day or you decide to incorporate one into an hour a day. This will drive your happiness and remind you of the things that make you smile but most of all make you feel good.
  5. Have a Support System. People are not meant to go through life alone. Being alone sucks. Do not be the person who is afraid to ask for support. Now this doesn’t mean you want to go and whine and cry to someone about your problems, don’t do it. Everyone has their own issues to tend to and I’m not saying that you cannot vent at times. By all means VENT, but make sure that you also have a solution. Process what you’re saying with someone who can help you process your emotions and simply remind you of your worth. We sometimes forget how amazing we are and yes, we do need reminders when we are in our feelings. We do not think clearly when we are in are feelings which is why decisions should never be made while we are emotional. When you are down, do NOT drive by their house, do not unblock their number, do not consider calling them, do not ask their friends where they’re at, do not check their social media, do not do the crazy things an obsessed person would do because you DO not matter to them. For the record, I don’t do all these things lol, but I’m just saying if that’s YOU, stop it. If they wanted to be with you they would be, point blank, period. With that being said, have 3-5 people on speed dial who can talk you out of doing or saying something that you’ll regret once you’re thinking rationally.
  6. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others. This actually dates back to past and more recent relationships. No matter how hard a woman or man tries, they cannot help but ask themselves why with THAT person or those people? Just so you know, you will NEVER know why, so just stop asking. The better question would be WHY do you care? Those people that your man or woman were with (whether once or twice or multiple times) are not thinking about YOU at all. Do not spend any time asking yourself WHY. You will only waste precious time when you could have been thinking about something way more productive. Why did my ex-cheat with someone who dot dot dot, IT DOESN’T MATTER (in the Rock’s voice and tonality) because it really doesn’t. All that matters is that YOU find YOU. Who are YOU and what makes you remarkable is what the next person will see but only if you see it first.
  7. Forgive Yourself. Okay so, I mentioned that I’m not that all knowing sage. You probably thought I was going to say forgive him or her but I believe that forgiveness should be for YOU. Be okay with the decisions that could have been better. Be okay with feeling some type of way when everything went down. Feelings are a normal part of your process. Sometimes the guilt we carry keeps us from experiences true growth and allowing us to forgive ourselves for making such bad decisions. Relish in the fact that you have another day and be grateful that you can begin again. A new start with new outcomes and the promise of something wonderful because that’s what the man upstairs has intended for you.
  8. Dream Again. This sounds so cliche but it has been what has helped me envision what my life WILL look like. Now understand my words, WILL not MAY. What does my life have in store and who are those people in my life but more importantly HOW do they make me feel? The feeling of traveling the world with my best friends who are just as bad ass. Owning a beautiful home with the man of my dreams and my kids living their best life. Do the people around me lift up my spirits, do they treat me like the queen or king I believe myself to be, do I treat them the same way? I cannot help but smile even while typing this because it is exciting. Envision what excites you. What makes you feel on top of the world? Then do everything in your power to achieve it. No matter what.

Now I didn’t intend on even having a numbered list when I made this post. I just started typing in hopes of the words and content coming to me. This is not all inclusive and obviously I do not take any responsibility in how or whether you implement any of the aforementioned suggestions above. I am not an expert nor do I consider myself someone who can necessarily hand out advice, but I will say that I am someone who has come out of a dark tunnel that I stayed in for years. Yes, I said years. My hope is for someone who is in that similar dark tunnel to see that there is an escape. As dim or as far as it may seem, it is there. I promise you it’s there somewhere hidden behind the lies we sometimes tell ourselves. Somewhere hidden behind the false hopes that someone else can change when in actuality it is ourselves that the change must occur within first. And yes, it’s hidden behind comfort. The comfort we’ve been accustomed to for far too long and to release that comfort brings fear and uncertainty. However, on the other side of fear and uncertainty there is someone waiting. That person is the better version of you who has been patiently waiting for you to wake up and realize that you’ve always been beautiful, you’ve always been kind, you’ve always been resilient and you’ve always been enough. More than enough. They have been waiting to meet you, don’t let them wait any longer.

Merry Christmas all.

Monica

Words, Actions & Influence

throughitFor the record, I was never one to share religious thoughts or quotes with others very often. Sometimes I would question why people who constantly do it, do it. I’ve realized that people aren’t necessarily doing it to preach to others per se, but rather to remind themselves of the path they’re on. Now this may not apply to all, but in my case, I share what I share to perhaps allow another to use what I provide but more so to be my own reminder. I believe that no matter what you believe in, whether God, Buddha, Jesus Christ, etc., there is a foundation for whatever you believe in. This foundation is extremely important because it shapes who you are, who you will become and your belief system in which you will share with all those around you. Some maybe be saying, well I don’t believe in a higher power or being, that’s okay because you still have an opinion which you stay true to and that may continue to be passed down to others. So why all this talk? 

I strongly believe that our influence spans beyond what we comprehend. Your wave hello to a stranger can alter their day in a way you have no idea. That one conversation that you have with a friend, co-worker, significant other can shift their mindset to unlock the potential they needed to get to their next level in life. Conversely, negativity can have the opposite reaction. I’m not a preacher and I’m barely a writer (yes, I need to do it more), but what I will say is that our words influence our actions and our actions dictate our influence (to a degree of course). So with that being said, speak VICTORY into others especially yourself and have awareness in the influence that you have in this world. We have the power to bring about change in others, influence others and become the best versions of ourselves while being that light others may sometimes need. Don’t dim your light for anyone. Shine bright and may God Bless you all (or whoever you believe in). 

Moni

Embrace Life & Love

20140115-202404.jpg“Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration. Hummingbirds open our eyes to the wonder of the world and inspire us to open our hearts to loved ones and friends. Like a hummingbird, we aspire to hover and to savor each moment as it passes, embrace all that life has to offer and to celebrate the joy of everyday. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life’s sweetest creation.” PAPYRUS

13 Days

Untitled-1

Since my last post yet it feels like an eternity.
Guess that’s what happens when writing at least every other days ceases and life happens.

My life has seriously become imbalanced with my long list of to-do’s somehow shifting the gravitational force and wreaking nothing short of havoc in my daily activities.

At a certain point, all I can do is take it one day at a time. One task at a time. One tantrum at a time and just breathe. I must remember why I work so hard and what motivates me to keep moving even though my body may disagree.

“Enjoy your life, no matter how hard it may seem. When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show the world you have a million reasons to smile.”

Writer’s Block and Oxymorons

I have several posts in the drafts stage, yet I can’t bring myself to post any of them at this point. They all seem so bleh that if I post any of them it would only add to my current state of bleh, thereby perpetuating the bleh into my blog and onto innocent bloggers. You are welcome for sparing you from such an unfortunate situation on this fine Sunday evening. Now here I am though, still contemplating what kind of intriguing and interesting post am I going to present to my far from large audience. Blank, once again.
steelclawsInstead I would like to share something with you that is neither intriguing or interesting, but just is what it is. Last night on Cutlery Corner they were selling this huge steel claw. Yes, I said a steel claw. I do not normally watch this channel, but who could resist watching such an odd advertisement from someone who made this claw seem like a must-have. Apparently steel claws are important for…absolutely nothing except for cosplay because I honestly cannot imagine what Wolverine blades would be useful for in real life. They showed a piece of wood to be scratched by the steel claws because that’s the fun way to scrape wood? I don’t get it, but then again cosplay, marvel characters and sharp pointless tools are obviously not my thing.

Our Angel from Above

IMG_4829

A beautiful sunset reserved for a few,
A breathtaking horizon brings life anew,
Caressed by nature’s touch,
You float through the land,
Touching our lives, with heavy hearts,
We reach for your hand,
A slight breeze whisks through the air,
As your face fades away,
We hold on tight to the memories,
That forever will stay,
The impression you left in our hearts it burns bright,
You are now amongst the stars and brighten the night,
The happiness you brought was by far the most pure,
Such unconditional love,
Stronger than one heart could endure,
Strength shall guide me through my days,
With cherished moments so content,
You were indeed my Angel,
Now I know you were heaven sent.

Love, Mommy