two years + a few months later…
a divorce. a death. a new outlook on life. those are just a few of the things that i’ve been consumed with since my last entry. part of me is trying to figure out where to start or pick up from but there are so many occurrences that may deserve their own post. all that i know is that life is good. life has so many things to be thankful for. maybe that’s what divorce does to you. or maybe that’s what death of someone super close does as well. life is short. we’ve all heard that damn saying time and time again but it doesn’t really sink in until the unmentionable or the unfortunate occurs and we are staring into the sky looking for a sign to continue to forge ahead despite adversity. adversity always shows it’s pretty little face. adversity will make sure to hit you the hardest when you’re already trying to maintain your balance. adversity will remind you that you haven’t faced the worst yet. adversity will smile at you with tears streaming down your face and remind you that you are stronger than you ever believed yourself to be. thank you adversity for your oh-so-amazing reminders of your presence time and time again in the last couple of years. i could not be the same person today without your guidance (if you want to call it that) which is the honest to goodness truth. so on that note, welcome back blogging monica because i’ve truly missed you and reading your inner thoughts. even if no one reads this, writing is the most therapeutic thing outside of being at the beach watching the waves as the sun sets or cuddling my now deceased husky aka best friend Miles Jacob.
more to come…
I sit here listening the rustling of the trees and feel the cool breeze sweeping into my bedroom. Deep breaths…in and out. One more time to hopefully take in whatever strength I can gain from Mother Nature as she joins me from the slightly cracked window. I don’t consider myself an outdoorsy person as I don’t hike as often as I’d like to nor do I go biking like some. I do, however, know that the outdoors is what centers me when I need it the most. The fresh air helps me to reset whatever is has somehow shut down within me and restarts my body and soul. While closing my eyes, I visualize everything that I must accomplish today, tomorrow and during the week. I tell myself it will all be okay and will get done when it needs to get done. I think this to myself as I have my legs tucked underneath my Ikea covers with my old man doggy at my feet. I suppose if I think it, it will be or at least that’s what I’m hoping for. Visualize and manifest. Harnessing my power to get a grip on the silent chaos going on in my head.
So I took my little ballerina to take her costume photos today and realized that her interactions with her fellow ballerinas were too sweet to not capture. While I am far from being a professional photographer, none of that matters when you are able to capture a smile like this.
seven months has passed since my last blog post. here’s a pretty tree picture in hopes of more posts to come. happy sunday.
I haven’t really posted here much, obviously. For some reason, writing down my daily thoughts seems much more time-consuming and slightly more boring in comparison to posting a photo on Instagram. So rather than express it all in a paragraph of “here’s a recap of what you missed”, I’d much rather do a countdown of most recent thoughts. It’s much more interesting when you add numbers or bullet points to sentences, so here goes…
1) Just recently discovered discount travel sites and I think I’m seriously in lust, not love though because that requires too much commitment.
2) Carrying a phone without a phone case is like a ticking time bomb. All it takes is one fall and it’s game over. It’s going on week 3, so apparently I enjoy taking risks all too much.
3) I have a not-so-secret obsession with left-handedness and believe that I should have been born left-handed and my ambidextrous abilities only solidify that statement.
4) I’ve been miserable with the California winter weather which means my spoiled self could never move anywhere that has true winters. Let’s keep it above 60 degrees pretty please.
5) Lastly, my mind has already fast forwarded to summer. Feels like June not February, so clearly I preferred to bypass a bunch of birthdays.
And that’s all she wrote.
I have a beloved 12 year old Beagle/Chihuahua mix named Frisco. Conversations as of late with my sister have consisted of what we are going to do when this little guy crosses that rainbow bridge. While we probably are thinking prematurely as he still has a few more years ahead, since he is a crossbreed and stays indoors (both of which lengthen lifespan) it doesn’t hurt to think ahead. Named after my birth city San Francisco, Frisco has been my main lil guy through thick and thin. Honestly, he has been the most consistent man in my life over the last 12 years. Sad, but true. Not so sad because his unconditional love is probably what has made me into the strong woman I am today. True story. When we first brought him home my sister also spent time with him by bringing him to her home for about a week as a puppy and then every now and then when he got older which has bonded the two of them.
Anyway, back to our conversation about what would become of him once he passed, although it makes me tear every time I even think about it. My sister and I have decided that we will have him for lack of a better word, stuffed. At first thought the only word that comes to mind when I think of taxidermy is morbid. Then I start to think about it a little more then all of the sudden it makes perfect sense. What better way than to preserve your long time family member. Then I think about it a little more and think how the same could never apply to humans, so why do it to a dog?
Well, we haven’t yet crossed that bridge, or rather he has not so perhaps we will have to wait and see if we go that route. In the meantime I am going to continue to cherish the time I do have left with him and not think about THAT day until it comes. Love you Frisco Baby.